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Excommunication

01 12.24.07: Landings
02 Wait
03 Banished
04 Entities
05 Need
06 Love
07 Death
08 Can
09 Happen
10 Now
11 Later
12 12.30.07:Endings
 
 
 

LH16_2008

CURRENT STATUS: In production, scheduled for 2019 release.

Where does one begin when describing a traumatic, life-altering mental and emotional catastrophe? How does one say it quickly? I’ll say that I got a new family in 2006/2007. It changed my life for the better, and things seemed fine. They seemed great! I was in love, and I got married. It was a very closely-knit family who spent virtually all their time together. I became part of that. It was unusual in that I felt like I was “settling down into a family” but I was perfectly accepting of it. I could still probably be in a rock band too. Maybe. Things were fine until December 2007.
 
Within a very short period of time, (in an afternoon) and with no warning, no legitimate or verifiable justification, I was dropped and abandoned by this new family. Not only was it unexpected, unprovoked and unjustified, but no actual reason was given. It was cruel and distinctively vitriolic. It was abusive. I still don’t understand how a small group of people who had been so kind and accepting of me could turn around so suddenly. What didn't help was my instantly forgiving and curious nature. I thought there was just a misunderstanding, since I hadn't done anything wrong.
 
"This can be fixed." It couldn't.
 
The last month of 2007 pushed me to the brink of desperation for any kind of normalcy. My friends had all moved away. I'd been away from my family for ages. I felt alone. I felt like a burden to the new friends who had accepted me in the disruption of that month. I sold my car for $100 and flew to Seattle on Christmas Eve with a backpack, a bag of clothes and an apartment temporarily on loan in the U-District. 
 
A friend who had agreed to meet up with me in Seattle and get me a job stopped answering the phone. Sitting at my laptop, that first night, I recorded the first track of this album. I ran out of money within 3 days. I was living in a University District apartment, with rent expected in January. I was going to food pantries. It was freezing. The shower was broken and I couldn’t take a hot shower. I met some unlikely allies. Folks from two local churches were immensely helpful. I was offered soundboard and bass guitar duties at the Seattle Vineyard. I graciously accepted a guitar and pedal on loan from the musical director and within a month I was pretty much done with this record.
 
These tracks were my initial reactions to these events. They were my therapy. This record is an example of pure, raw emotion being forced into waveforms. I still don't have a legitimate answer for what happened to me. 
 
These were my first songs in Seattle.  
 
While recording continued, I was trying to get my family to communicate in any positive way towards me, and that was a black hole. I couldn't get "just any" job because I was "overqualified." In desparation of getting nothing at all, I started omitting advanced work history. This left restaurants and blank spaces on my applications. Towards the end of this being recorded, I was finally working at a local burger joint, cutting produce, frying up burgers and working the register. I was literally asking "Do you want fries with that?" But I had a job. 
 
And a new chapter of my life began. It's not as easy as it sounds, but it did begin.

Special Thanks go to Seattle Vineyard, David Zucker, Becca, Angel, Barry and everyone else who figuratively and literally picked me up from the ground.

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